...or like the majority you are just an average 'Joe' uncertain of what, if anything, you can do to help your wife whilst she is breastfeeding there are nevertheless things that every father should be aware of.
The Importance of Understanding
There are inevitably two camps about breastfeeding. There are those that think it is not necessary and than there are others who think it is essential. There are hundreds of books available for women and men stating pros and cons to each side. Thus the purpose here is not to reiterate what has already been written so many times but rather, just as importantly, to discuss what you as the partner in your wife's life can do to help make whatever decision she chooses to make as easy as possible.
The choice to breastfeed (or not) is a very personal and difficult choice both emotionally and mentally as it is physically on your partner's body. Regardless of her decision she is undoubtedly going to experience physical discomfort in her breasts for if she decides to breastfeed she will experience pain around her nipples and in her breasts generally as they become engorged with milk. Furthermore, should she decide not to, keep in mind she will still experience engorgement and this could cause severe discomfort for up to a week, sometimes even more. The fear of what people think, be it positive or negative are very much a part of what makes or breaks a successful try at breastfeeding. The guilt of giving up too soon or indeed feeling resentment for having to wake up several times a night, every night to feed the baby, are all very real aspects of every day. The key here is to be as supportive in as much as possible.
Thus, as you can see, there is no easy way out for your partner. Her body was designed to breastfeed and despite whatever opinions that do exists for or against breastfeeding in general it is a decision that she is going to have to make for herself and one that will require most of all your patience and understanding. Despite the fact that you may feel left out of this decision process, especially as female friends and family members will undoubtedly be trying to look after your partner whilst giving you a quizzical looks as to why or what you can do to help remember that at the end of the day when all is said and done and they are not around you are the only person your partner has to turn to. You are there when she wakes up at all hours of the night, sometimes in tears over the pain she is experiencing during those pivotal first few weeks of breastfeeding; you are the one that has to comfort her and bring her ice for her breasts so to help ease her physical pain; and you will be the one that will be there as your partner discusses with you her doubts, fears, and anxieties over the whole concept of breastfeeding. That pretty much makes you somewhat of an authority over what is best for your partner, perhaps more so than anyone else for you are the one she is going to be relying on the most even if it doesn't seem that way at first.
Building Bridges
It is often daunting for many men to have to be there for the woman they love, particularly if they approach problems differently than their partner would. Unfortunately it never dawns on most men that it isn't about 'fixing' their partner's problem per se but more importantly, that they be there for their partner simply by listening to them. This involves more than just nodding and smiling. Instead, it requires that you actively take a role in your partner's life without being invasive.
What is it that your partner is trying to say? What does she need right now? Is she afraid? Is she asking you directly for something that would help her? If so, what is she asking you for? How can you encourage her? Are you supporting her enough? How many times during the day do you tell her how wonderful she is and what a great job that she is doing?
These may seem like obvious and simple tasks that require little effort but unfortunately it is often the little things in life that are neglected, especially if you are already feeling like you're being left out of the equation. Furthermore, it is not enough to simply be there for your partner but as well you have to allow her to be there for you! By sharing your feelings and thoughts in a constructive and open-minded way you will only strengthen the bond that you have created with your partner. By expressing your concern and interest in helping your partner during this important time in both of your lives you will only help your partner to feel as if she is supported and not alone.
This is a day to day process and one that will test both your understanding of each other and both your personal limits. By being honest with not only yourselves but with each other and by being there for one other you can both rest assured that your new born baby is already enjoying the security and love that you share.
Mario R. J. Corbin - Based in Quebec, Canada, Mario Corbin has been writing professionally since 2002. His publications have appeared in “The Jane ...
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